Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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