I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
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