I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
