Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Randomize
