How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
