He disabled his match.com account in front of me
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize