I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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