He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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