life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
