Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
