I CAN MOONWALK!
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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