He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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