I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
