I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
