I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
