So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
How external is "for external use only"?
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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