I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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