He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
