Taylor Swift is so right about you.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Randomize
