I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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