Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Randomize
