ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
