We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
