im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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