I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
