So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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