Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
My breasts were aching with rage.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
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