They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I just googled if crying burns calories
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
