i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Randomize
