Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Randomize
