where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
