Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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