Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
