so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
