And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize