i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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