Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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