She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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