if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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