She is in my trunk
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
