i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
