well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
