sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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