so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
