He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
