sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
