What a fucking waste of an outfit
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
