if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
