A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
