last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize