I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Randomize
