Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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