This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
