She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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