whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
