saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Randomize
