Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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