She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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