drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
It's shark week go big or go home
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
