You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
