this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
