the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
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