Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
