My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
