It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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