Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
