i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Mom said you looked used
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
