I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
