I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
