I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
