no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
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