Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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