This dress was meant to end up on your floor
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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